Tyler Durden
My blogs
Blogs I follow
| Introduction | Like so many of my generation I was abandoned behind the dumpster of a Taco Bell with a note affixed to my diaper that read: “Tag! You’re it!” I was raised by the night crew and subsisted on mild taco sauce and sour cream and guacamole dispensed through a caulking gun. On a side note, I’m lactose intolerant and allergic to foods that have more than four consonants. When I was ten months old I moved to Hollywood to pursue my love of acting…although I would ultimately like to direct. My first big break came when I appeared in a diaper rash commercial. I took the money from that job and moved into Douglas Fairbanks’ shoe prints in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. I fashioned a tent using discarded movie star home maps as a canopy and used hypodermic needles as tent spikes. The days were hot, the nights were cold, but the rent was cheap and I was still waiting for my motor skills to fully develop. My next job was as a stand in for Ernest Borgnine’s younger brother Marcel in the movie Wizard of Oz 2: Toto’s revenge. Unfortunately, the great diaper rash epidemic of 2008 soon enveloped the nation—no, the irony is not lost on me—and abruptly ended my career in acting. |
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| Favorite movies | Wizard of OZ 2: Toto's Revenge, Michael Bolton’s Winning Softball (Director's Cut: With Extra Chest Hair), Gingerdead Man, Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust, Ishtar |
| Favorite music | Appalachian nose whistling, Tibetan scream singing lullabies, Chris Gaines |
| Favorite books | Aboriginal Snake Bite Cures “They” Don’t Want You To Know About, Dianetics |