Philip Bernot
| Gender | Male |
|---|---|
| Occupation | Chief Bacchanalian Coordinater |
| Introduction | I am an inveterate curmudgeon who spends countless otherwise productive hours wondering why things aren't more like I think they should be. |
| Interests | Too many, too boring |
| Favorite movies | You got all day? |
| Favorite music | See above |
| Favorite books | See above, above |