Irb

My blogs

Blogs I follow

About me

Gender MALE
Industry Internet
Occupation SEO Copywriter
Location Dallas, Texas, United States
Introduction I am a straight white male between the ages of 17 and 44. I’m an Aries and a recovering Baptist. By national standards, I’m moderate in my politics, but by Texas standards I’m somewhere to the left of Lenin. I have a certain boyish charm that makes me irresistible to children, pets, and old people. I’ve grown indifferent towards the night life, and I no longer care to boogie. Like slightly more than 100% of the English majors I know, I’m a writer wannabe who has yet to get published. I am not now, nor have I ever been, “emo.” I have a singing voice that resembles the wailing of damned souls. I am the walrus, kookoo katchoo. I shot the sheriff. But, and I’d like to make this perfectly clear, I did *not* shoot the deputy. I once divided by zero. I used to think I had no discernable Texas accent, but a recent visit to Canada made me realize that I actually sound like goddamn Jethro. I believe the children are the future. And my hobbies include writing slash furry Star Trek fan fiction and sitting on the toilet until my legs fall asleep.
Interests Writing fiction, Submitting fiction to pretentious magazines, Collecting rejection letters from pretentious magazines, Being really bitter, Staying up until 4:00 a.m. watching Adult Swim and eating Hot Pockets, Fan dancing, Making up excuses for not going to church, Wiener dog impressions, Sitting on the toilet until my legs fall asleep, Reading comic books, Making fun of other people that read comic books, Women who can pick up things with their toes, Spongebob Squarepants, Diet Vanilla Coke, Velvet paintings, Mushmouth from Fat Albert, Non sequiturs, Bon mots, Pedantic aphorisms, Pudding
Favorite Movies Raising Arizona, The Godfather I & II, Swingers, Donnie Darko, Snatch, Made, Get Shorty, Gross Pointe Blank, Dogma, Repo Man, Buckaroo Banzai, The Third Man, Miller's Crossing, Ed Wood, Farenheit 9/11, Roger and Me, Three Kings, Pink Floyd: The Wall, The Commitments, Memento, Fresh, Army of Darkness, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The ORIGINAL Star Wars Trilogy, Anal Rampage VII, Airplane, Clockwork Orange
Favorite Music Love and Rockets, Smashmouth, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Cherry Poppin' Daddies, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Amy Crenshaw and the Crosstown Boys, Merle Travis, Brian Setzer Orchestra, Offspring, Beat Farmers
Favorite Books The Anubis Gates, Declare, Last Call, Cryptonomicon, Snow Crash, The Chronicles of Amber, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Lies and the Lying Liars that Tell Them, Gospel, Emma Who Saved My Life, The World According to Garp, Flowers for Algernon, Towing Jehovah, Foucault's Pendulum, The Club Dumas, Quicksilver

Describe the sound of a moist waffle falling onto a hot griddle.

That is the worst goddamn koan I've ever seen.