JFERNZ
My blogs
Blogs I follow
| Gender | Male |
|---|---|
| Occupation | Professional Spitter |
| Introduction | I was born with two umbilical cords which the doctor attributed to me being a very well endowed baby. At two days old I was already reading at a 3 month old level. The first time I realized I could fly was during a rooftop chase with the cops. From that day on I only use my flying powers when I am escaping the scene of a crime. I once dated my female college Physics professor. She gave me a B in the class but an A- for "that thing you do with your hands." I graduated with a record 6 degrees and started my own barber shop for cats called "Pussy Hair." After getting numerous threats from gangs of barking dogs in the neighborhood, I closed down the shop and started this blog. [I won't mention my brief involvement with male prostitution. I only had 3 customers and my pimp was really stingy with vacation time.] So I hope whoever reads this will be inspired by my miraculous journey from a double umbilical cord survivor, to a flying criminal, to a barber shop for cats owner, and now to a blogger. Dreams do come true. |
| Interests | Listing my interests is not interesting to me. What does interest me? Shiny things, chocolate objects, threatening people on voicemail, staring contests with iguanas, pushing a push pop, praying out loud, and waking up with Folger's in my cup. |
| Favorite movies | Any disco-themed movie that involves roller skates. |
| Favorite music | Anything on the Footloose soundtrack. |
| Favorite books | I like pop up books, "How-to" sex books, and pop up "How-to" sex books. |
All of the phone numbers have fallen out of your address book. Whose number do you look for first and why?
My Tae Kwon Do instructor. Because I would be extremely pissed and he is the only one that can help me channel my aggression into something productive. Like breaking 50 pencils in half with my hand.