David Felder, Author
My blogs
| Location | United States |
|---|---|
| Introduction | Dropped on my head and abandoned at birth, I was raised by wolves until the age of 6, when I was rescued by a clan of forest people in northern NJ. I compensated for my lack of brains and brawn by overeating, and set a NJ record as "only student with his own gravitational force" in 4th grade. In high school, I was elected "Most likely to be denied entrance to a state park," and I graduated 334th in a class of 335 - one notch ahead of a janitor's push broom. Dismissed from Princeton University for repeatedly eating book bindings in PU Library and flushing metallic Potassium into dormitory commodes, was admitted to Rutgers University on "Mental degenerate" waivers and soon promoted to student government. Worked as a "Student Marshall," escorting Douglas students from late night classes to dorms, and was never convicted of any crimes. Declared too unstable for military service, got work in broadcast news industry. Came in third place in 1987 China Buffet Olympics. Have seen "Ghostbusters" 216 times and am starting my own collection of molds, spores and fungus. Have recently returned to New Jersey, after being abducted by aliens between 1991-2007. |