Gaylord St. James
My blogs
| Gender | Male |
|---|---|
| Introduction | My illustrious film career began with the 1970 grot-flick 'Horn-A-Plenty' but my crowning glory was the 1972 cult horror 'Last House on the Left' (where my wife bites off a man's knob). This began a lifelong friendship with bearded auteur Wes Craven; my influence was such that he based Nightmare on Elm Street on the time I turned up at his Beverly Hills mansion screaming about my night-terrors. By 1973 the scripts were pouring in: 'Fleshpot on 42nd Street' cemented my reputation as the pre-eminent portrayer of hate-filled cuckolds. 1974's 'Deadly Weapons' (starring Chesty Morgan, the only woman I don't completely hate) began a short-lived but much-hyped new genre in film, the 'tit-thriller'. Sadly it was to be my last film, partly due to an episode in 1975 when I boarded myself up in Wes Craven's attic and watched him sleep with his wife for 11 consecutive nights. At some point my wife Diana left me, but my lowest ebb came in 1989 when Wes Craven found me shitting in an alley and wiping my arse with my own jumper. He simply walked away in disgust (but I must stress that we have remained LIFE LONG FRIENDS). I’m fine now though. |
| Interests | Fine ports and sherries, homeopathic remedies for gout, conspiracy theories surrounding the death of Diana Princess of Wales, methods of avoiding detection, and live cock-fighting. |
| Favorite movies | Last House on the Left, Fleshpot on 42nd Street, all of the Police Academys, and the bit in Back to the Future II when Phil Collins dumps his wife by fax. |
| Favorite books | The novelised versions of the Police Academy films, the biographies of Robert Maxwell David Jason and Sidney James |