Gyalist
| Gender | Male |
|---|---|
| Occupation | Professional roué |
| Introduction | I've developed and patented a successful system for "turning hos into housewives". On several occasions I've landed 747s when the pilots were suddenly and inexplicably incapacitated. Once during a thunderstorm in the Amazon rainforest, I single-handedly saved an Amerindian village from disaster by quickly constructing a dam made from coconut fronds and the sap from the balata tree. I can prepare a gourmet four-course meal in minutes using just a George Foreman grill, two saucepans and a chef’s blowtorch. I can swim in perfect circles and frequently do so immediately after eating a large meal. I’ve run the London Marathon with scissors in both hands to prove a point to my mother. I once tore the Manhattan Yellow Pages in half using only my left hand. Women swoon when I play Gershwin on the piano, wearing nothing but a smoking jacket and silk boxers. I have perfect pitch and can sing all of Schubert’s Lieder and Palestrina’s madrigals from memory. I have provided sex and relationships advice to both Dr. Ruth and Dan Savage. I speak fluent womanese. |