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Introduction	"He is in fact the conversational equivalent of those late-night tv ads for kitchen implements that brutalise vegetables in entirely unforeseen ways as demonstrated by actors with too much chin pretending to be chefs but that utterly fail to do more than mildly disfigure equivalent vegetables in the comfort of your own kitchen (and with a much smaller chin) in the assuredly hypothetical circumstance that you were watching said ad in a state of altered consciousness to the extent that the device (whichever one it was) looked kinda cool. In the cold grey light of the revelation that you've been ripped off (again), you leave the infernal toy in the second drawer with the blunt knives and mismatched chop sticks in the hope they'll fight it out among themselves. And that's why we call him 'Spatula'."

Introduction

"He is in fact the conversational equivalent of those late-night tv ads for kitchen implements that brutalise vegetables in entirely unforeseen ways as demonstrated by actors with too much chin pretending to be chefs but that utterly fail to do more than mildly disfigure equivalent vegetables in the comfort of your own kitchen (and with a much smaller chin) in the assuredly hypothetical circumstance that you were watching said ad in a state of altered consciousness to the extent that the device (whichever one it was) looked kinda cool. In the cold grey light of the revelation that you've been ripped off (again), you leave the infernal toy in the second drawer with the blunt knives and mismatched chop sticks in the hope they'll fight it out among themselves. And that's why we call him 'Spatula'."