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About me

Industry Government
Occupation President, Galactic Center Review Board
Location Malta
Introduction I was unanimously approved as President of the Galactic Center Review Board in 1998, and my reign began the following day. One of my first acts was organizing dark matter into fluffy cakes that were sold to the Andromeda Galaxy at a hefty mark-up, the proceeds from which funded my more ambitious projects that were waiting in the wings. Among them: raising the speed limit of light along the Outer Reaches, repeal of the Jones-Clamato Amendment, and ending the ancient practice of annually throwing a virgin into the Great Central Black Hole. We now throw sparklers and lunch meat into the hole.

You're in the grocery store with a broken cart. How will you ever be that hungry?

As President of the Galactic Center Review Board, I have staff who do my shopping for me. But nice try.