Occupation	Leader of AARDVARK-!!
Location	In a bunker outside Mount Vernon, United States
Introduction	One man's sad attempt to release the crazy...
Interests	Antique bandoliers, fine boxed wine, mustaches (primarily his own), cars, fighting evil and villainy, soup, finding the world's finest cheese Danish, jacuzzi-ing, mirrored sunglasses, unicorns, prophecies, his counterpart the Generalissima
Favorite movies	Romancing the Stone
Favorite music	Whatever is playing in his head
Favorite books	Unsure if he's able to read

Describe the sound of a moist waffle falling onto a hot griddle.

"Bang!"