Current Weight: 169.2 lbs.

Taco Bell and I have not gotten off to a good start in 2009. First, TB invoked their "for a limited time only" option on the Awesome Volcano Taco (hereafter, my new name for it) and pulled this inexpensive deliciousness from the menu. A few weeks later, TB's Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch recorded one of the lowest scores ever for a bacon-based fast food product in the 27-month history of this lightly-read blog.

Finally, TB dropped three million dollars on a Super Bowl ad in an attempt to push their new "platters". Unfortunately, after having Mrs. Bootleg's spinach and shrimp enchiladas, I won't lower my standards for the "ready in 60 seconds" version.

But, to paraphrase that tired cliché that everyone back east uses about their hometown: if you don't like the weather menu at Taco Bell, wait 15 minutes. Or a month. Whatever.

So, a few days ago, there I was at my desk within the confines of the Unnamed Defense Contractor. We work a 9/80 schedule and it was actually my off-Friday, so…you can imagine my mood. I finished up around lunchtime. To reward myself for a morning of proposal completion and reading the new Sports Illustrated inside the double-wide handicapped stall, I opted for Taco Bell.

In THIS economy (remember, always emphasize "this") TB's beef and potato burrito and triple layer nachos go a long way towards ensuring my family can still make our mortgage payments, send our son to preschool…and afford subscriptions to magazines that recap what happened in sports last week.

But, while idling in the drive-thru, I notice that Taco Bell's value menu has changed once again. For a dime, I could upgrade my triple layer nachos (chips topped with cheese-flavored goo, beans and red sauce) to five layers! For 20 cents, I could jump to SEVEN!

The line of cars isn't as long as it usually is this time of day. I've only got seconds to decide which new nachos will accompany the beef and potato burrito into my belly. Five? Seven? Both?! Yes, both.

The "Beefy 5-Layer" nachos come topped with "cheese", ground beef, refried beans, red sauce and a shredded three-cheese blend. Terrifically filling for only 89 cents, these nachos put the focus on TB's familiar and well-flavored ground beef. Sure, it's essentially just a shrunken version of their Nachos Bell Grande, but at about a third of the price who are you to complain?

On the other hand, the "7-Layer Dip" nachos weren't nearly as yummylicious. Here, the chips are hit with cheese-goo, beans, tomatoes, red sauce, guacamole, sour cream and red tortilla strands.

(1) The guacamole is obviously pre-packaged and tastes like the plastic bag it sat in for the previous three years. (2) TB's still using reduced-fat sour cream, which is akin to decaf coffee and "day-time" Thera-Flu. (3) Really, Taco Bell? You're actually going to count the tortilla strands as a full-fledged LAYER?! For cryin' out loud.

Grade (Beefy 5-Layer Nachos): 4 (out of 5)

Grade (7-Layer Dip Nachos): 1.5