Post a Comment On: Playing D&D With Porn Stars

So we weren't trying to break the GM...
I think the first thing that was weird for Jez was we attacked the Yakuza with dog-heads (not we attacked them using heads but they had those heads and we attacked them) because why wouldn't you do that? If you were investigating dangerous things and you were being spied upon by Yakuza with dog heads why wouldn't you try to grab them (the Yakuza)? I did. And I'm not ashamed. I did it with telekinesis.
I think this was maybe off the rails for what Jez planned but whatever he was handling it ably. I think we tortured him. Not Jez, the Yakuza. But maybe Jez a little because it was one of those scenes where the NPC really doesn't know that much but you just keep whaling on him because he's a Yakuza and just tell us the plot already, Yakuza. "Ow, my head.""Do we have a crowbar? Let's hit his ears." I think we told him someone killed his brother but we actually did it. It was all very awful for that Yakuza.
There was a long investigation chain for some hours. Jez started to get a little loopy. He said "I...I..." a lot at the beginning of sentences.
Oh wait I didn't explain the mystery. Here it was: There was found burned up cats and inside of each: a weird hand. This was what we were supposed to investigate.
Yes so anyway we are in Japan.
And eventually we meet a cat lady who is crazy. Clearly a red herring. Also: photographer, Yakuza's with rubber dog faces (have you ever worn a motorcycle helmet? So like imagine that peripheral vision problem there plus a rubber dog mask? That's not safe.), also some shopkeepers, a drunk widower. All kindsa Cthulhu extras. We discover approximately......zero things. This takes hours and hours. It's fun but we have no idea why there are burned cats with hands.
Then some research on the computer! Rolling a lot we discover that there's a connection between all these things that are Japanese and the Ominous Office Building Top Penthouse Suite Guy.
Finally! Yay Computer Skill!
So like I have Disguise at 80%. (Oh and I have telekinesis because we are playing this setting using the Disturbing Parapsych Powers Cthulhu that is all of the rage at the moment.) So I disguise myself as the Looming Office Building Top Penthouse Guy. Did Jez see that coming? I don't know. "I last ran this adventure 6 years ago..."
Then I go "I'm going to walk through the streets dressed as the guy just to see how people react to this guy"
Ok, says Jez, and rolls d100 for our luck.
And rolls a 00. The worst thing.
We are accosted by the cat lady. She hisses "Ah, you're up early Office Guy!" and she commands her pussies swarm upon me!!! They do.
I go "Haha cats I'm not actually that guy!" and pull of the disguise and then we're like Ok, that was weird she has magic controlling cat power. But we have work to do. Anyway...
I think Jez was kind of (in retrospect) going kind of Holy fuck it's all weird in this adventure, this isn't what I expected.
We spend a lot of time, as one does, getting into the building. Elevator up to the Penthouse where is bads. Fuck then henchmen. Strange fighting with a motorcycle pyromancer in an elevator and then a claw-woman-ghost.
Now this requires use of my psychic powers to fight them which means my character loses what in Call of Cthulhu we call Sanity points which means I'm now not sane by the time we reach the top penthouse.
But then on the other hand who is the party doorkicker? I am. Doors kicked.
"Your successful Perception check lets you see there is a katana holder on the wall and the katana is missing"
Ooo.
Now at this point it's maybe...4 hours in? 3am Pacific time?
Left door.
Right door.
"Alright you!" I say, shooting the ceiling. "We killed all the people and you're next because you put hands inside of burned cats, you! HA!"
I bust open the right door and nothing and left door: bathroom, water running.
Left door....bedroom. And then we hear the Ominousest Voice from the bedroom...
"You have invaded my home..."
"Yeah we totally know and let's fight!" Into the bedroom.
And there's nobody in the room.
"The one you seek is not here..."
"No because we're looking for you and you're here"
"It was not I, it was the old woman..."
"Wait you mean the crazy cat lady?"
"Indeed, she commands the creatures"
"Well we knew that but then they're burned and with hands in them which is weird I bet you did that"
"No, this is essential to her ritual, to create the creatures"
"Oh well...I had to fight your motorcycle guy and your claw lady and you're spooky and I can't even see you so I'm just going to fuck up your place anyway because this is crazy" So then I start messing up the pillows and the magazines and stuff.
"You must go."
"Why? You're not doing anything. What is this, Architectural Digest? Fuck, how many of the same grey suit doe sone guy need...?"
Then one of the other PCs notices that my head is all red. My head's burning. Oh gotta get me out of there.
"Leave this place."
So then I go over to the bathroom and get in the shower.
"You must leave."
"Why? Oh and I am going to keep washing up in the shower."
"You must destroy the woman..."
"Why should we do what you say? Why don't you do it?" Wash wash.
"I...uh..."
"And why haven't you done it already?" (soap, conditioner) "I mean, you're a rich penthouse guy and you own a security company and have employees and a pyro motorcycle guy and a Lady Deathstrike chick working for you and the old woman lives like three blocks away and just has cats? This has been going on for weeks, right? And there was a katana missing when we got out of the elevator--what do you need a katana for? You're a fucking room."
"There are..........really good answers to all these questions but I can't remember what any of them are..."
And then we then the whole universe hit an asymptote and everything turned inside out and we all laughed and laughed those exhausted laughs that they have and I think my guy is still there, in that guy's shower, just asking him questions he can't answer and he's like stop talking and get out of my shower...forever.