Post a Comment On: Playing D&D With Porn Stars

It was Superbowl Sunday and there were gargoyles.

The halfling immediately ran into the dining room and Blixa naturally ran after, climbed the wall, and hid above the doorway on overwatch with a net.

Most of the gargoyles went after all the guys with hit points still in the hallway, but one was dumb enough to chase the halfling.

So he got netted, hit the floor, and the halfling shoved cake in his face, blinding him.

Blixa spends the next round dousing the downed devil in marbles and caltrops, so he tries to get out of the net and immediately falls down again and the halfling curbstomps him into a caltrop.

He is now competing for "most humiliated gargoyle in Ravenloft" with the one in the other room getting killed by the gnome's 3 badger companions (badgers get three attacks per round).

Malice the assassin drags a few wounded henchmen into the Death and Cake room and runs back out to join the fight.

We climb into position with crossbows and tell the henchmen to smear cake and entrails on the floor in case any more gargoyles come in.

One does, he slips, gets shot with two crossbows at once, escapes the cake, slips on the marbles and dies face first on poised hireling spears.

It was all smooth sailing for several rooms then until Strahd showed up and fireballed us all, killing 3 PCs, all the henchmen and Abelincolnvampirehunter the talking dog.

Which, for Blixa, hiding on the ceiling--7 hp and a saving throw away from death--was kinda triggering. Because he keeps buying dogs and vampire keep killing them.

The assassin steals a trick that my girlfriend made up 4 years ago--tossing a holy-water soaked net at Strahd--then he and the cleric incinerate him when he goes gaseous with a flaming sword and that flame strike scroll that was hidden in the dungeon respectively.

So the mighty vampire is dead in 2 rounds, the noble Abelincolnvampire hunter is reincarnated with some goo from the Vats of Mazarin (as...roll roll....a wolverine) and Barovia has a few new Barons.

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And Blixa looks upon his pelf...

...the long years,  the many adventures, the fallen companions, the Deck of Many Things, the miscellany of carefully packed potions, the 34,159 xp... and where has it got him?

Check the AD&D thief xp table...

6th level.

Filcher.

...still.

All that and still 7,000 x.p. from Sharper.

On the other hand, amidst all this calamity and death, Blixa does have 66,476.50 gp to solace him.

And so, I hereby announce the opening of:

Baron Blixa Von Vampirjager's House of Overland & Dungeon Cartography 
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What do we do here?

Sell maps and buy maps.  We buy maps--interior or exterior--of any place in the FLAILSNAILS universe your PC has gone and sell copies of any map we've acquired. For genuine gp redeemable for xp.

How much do you buy maps for?

10 gp per room 100gp per room with something interesting (treasure, secret door, trap, monster) that is/was once in it 300gp per complex encounter (with full description) ...and if it's real nice you might get a tip.

How much do you sell copies of these maps for?

Mere sp on the gp, my friend! Just ask before your next expedition to Vertique, Castle Amber, the Hill Cantons, Nightwick Abbey or anywhere else! No reasonable offer refused!

Fine print?

Maps must be of places your PC has actually gone that were not GMed or written by me. They must represent at least one hour's worth of adventure. It need not be complete, but what is there must be drawn and keyed with enough detail and efficiency that I could use them if I needed to run my own players through that location if, say, I needed a last-minute map. Redrawn maps are acceptable. Both original and post-looting post-encounter contents should be listed. Maps may be of any place interesting: interior or exterior, published or home made. Figure out how much your map is worth yourself using the formula above, then tell me.

Can they be maps of places Blixa has been?

Sure, my own maps are pretty crap.




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