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Guest Post by Monica F. Helms
Based on the poem by Clement Clarke Moore

T’was the night before ENDA and all through the House
Not a Congress Critter was stirring, especially The Mouse.
Our prayers all hung on the votes that would appear,
In hopes that the Baldwin Amendment would soon be here.

The trans people were anxious, all snug in there beds,
While visions of employment danced in their heads.
And Air Monica in her ‘kerchief and I in my Navy cap.
None of us were ready for the upcoming slap.

When out of the House there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my computer to see what was the matter.
Away to the MS Windows I flew like the Flash,
Tore open my Outlook and pulled up my stash.

The light from my screen looked like new-fallen snow
Gave a falsehood of hope from my E-mails below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
The death of ENDA from the Congress’ big queer.

This little old Rep was so vile that it stank,
I knew in a moment it must be Barney Frank.
More rapid than eagles his hate it came,
And he blustered, and shouted, and called us nasty names!

“Now Drag Queens! now, She-males! now, transvestites and such!
It was easy to tell he hated us so much.
The words he used showed contempt and disgust.
That removing us from ENDA to him was a must.

As dry leaves that before the California fires fly,
Frank burned down our hopes of jobs with a lie.
So up to the House his hate of us flew
With a folder of false facts, and Speaker Pelosi too.

And then, in a twinkle, I heard from the House
That Frank was skulking, just like a mouse.
The Baldwin Amendment he said they should pass
But, behind our backs, he was kicking our ass.

Dressed in Armani from his head to his toe,
He was the darling of rich gay men wherever he’d go.
A bundle of promises he had packed in his case,
With a sinister grin splashed across his face.


His eyes how evil! his voice how scary!
And when he was angry, he would explode like Carrie.
He would proclaim his superiority wherever he’d go,
And the hair on his head was as white as the snow.

His face would fume when he would grit his teeth,
And everyone he saw, he would give them grief.
He had a broad face and an overstuffed belly,
That shook when he screamed, like a bowlful of KY Jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right evil old elf,
And I had to laugh, because he’s so full of himself!
A squint of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread.

He spoke a bunch of words, and went “straight” to work,
And took trans people out of ENDA, just like a jerk.
And sticking his middle finger up into the air,
He told 300 groups that he really didn’t care.

He sprang to his office, to HRC he gave a whistle,
And the way they all flew like a nuclear missile.
But I heard him scream, “ENDA is all mine!”
“And you ain’t even getting it in Two-Thousand and Nine!”




Monica F. Helms is the founding president of the Transgender American Veterans Association and the creator of the Transgender Pride flag. She was honored with an IFGE Trinity Award in 2003