Thanks for the props, Cat :) I see we posted our Escape From New York ku's almost simultaneously! Sweet! And nice call out to Adrienne Barbeau's tits. I tried to work them into an earlier haiku that I trashed.
That’s right, 80s movies! When I started thinking about what film images to use in this post to represent 80s cinema, I quickly became overwhelmed. I had forgotten just how many “treasures” came from that decade. Sure we love to make fun of the 80s, and the 80s deserve to be made fun of, but damnit I love 80s cinema, the good, the unspeakably bad, and the horrendous. The 80s was a time when cool franchises were starting to wane (e.g. Bond), cool franchises were created (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street), cool films were given increasingly terrible sequels (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street), John Hughes created his best stuff, the “action film” was defined, rap movies were popular, Eddie Murphy was funny, soundtracks were replete with new wave music, clothing style was the ugliest, most teen films contained boobs, and Mr. Miyagi taught Danielson valuable life lessons. Believe it or not I edited out a lot as I realized that this post was becoming insanely long. So come on gang, turn up your boombox, and give me some 80s gold! Below are some images to get your creative juices flowing. It's going to be a great day.
"Haiku Hump Day - 80s Movies!"
120 Comments -
He was Del Griffith
He sold shower curtain rings
An easy target
Neil Page, curmudgeon
Spent some time with Del Griffith
Learned some life lessons
Neil Page was angry
He just wanted to get home
Fat man stole his cab
February 25, 2009 4:23 AM
The Breakfast Club kids
One day of group therapy
All problems resolved
February 25, 2009 4:29 AM
Corey, Corey
From Goonies to The Lost Boys
Dynamic Duo
February 25, 2009 5:05 AM
The big chill was just
The Breakfast Club for adults
Still had same issues
Why really big hair?
Time will not be forgiving
Yearbook pics survive
Tale of Long Duk Dong
Wrecked Grampa's Oto-mo-biiile
Found sexy girlfriend
Woke up hungover
Said Samantha get married
To oily bohunk
February 25, 2009 5:28 AM
Arnold made big films
Conan the Barbarian
Still haven't seen it
February 25, 2009 5:55 AM
hard to beat bloodsport.
kumite, based on real life,
jean-claude's nude bootay.
i thought aliens
beat alien till jordan
proved that i was wrong
i still get teary
at the end of spinal tap
when nigel rejoins
buckaroo banzai
has it all, with just one flaw:
insane shoulder pads.
February 25, 2009 7:12 AM
critics love to hate
johnny dangerously but
i say it's a hoot.
February 25, 2009 7:15 AM
Buckaroo Banzai
I've never gotten through it
Can't get into it
February 25, 2009 7:18 AM
husband repellant:
victor/victoria. does
husband have issues?
February 25, 2009 7:23 AM
i think buckaroo
is an acquired taste. watch 5
or 10 times, you'll see.
February 25, 2009 7:31 AM
Twenty five years since,
"What the fuck are robster craws?"
And it still kills me.
February 25, 2009 8:47 AM
Not gonna fall for
Banana in the the tailpipe
'Cuz we're the first team
February 25, 2009 9:03 AM
Funny guy, Sully
That's why he will kill you last
Or else maybe not...
February 25, 2009 9:03 AM
ET charmed the world
But I think he's weird looking
Rather hang with ALF
February 25, 2009 9:28 AM
It's confession time:
I have never seen Top Gun
And you can't make me
February 25, 2009 9:33 AM
Can someone explain
The appeal of Blues Brothers?
I just don't get it
February 25, 2009 9:43 AM
The Road Warrior
Taught me all I know about
Being a badass
February 25, 2009 9:52 AM
Still think he's a jerk
Never liked Ferris Bueller
Always used his friends
February 25, 2009 10:04 AM
I say save Ferris!
Sociopath? I don't care
Shake it up, baby
February 25, 2009 10:46 AM
I thought Shue would plotz
Singing "Babysitter Blues"
But it was awesome!
February 25, 2009 10:55 AM
yay, robster craws!
February 25, 2009 10:57 AM
decade of guilty
pleasures: road house, big trouble,
top secret!, hairspray.
February 25, 2009 10:59 AM
C. Thomas Howell?
Everyone else did so well...
Stay gold, Pony Boy.
February 25, 2009 11:00 AM
Cameron was sad
Tried to drown himself in pool
Ferris didn't care
February 25, 2009 11:01 AM
Airplane was funny.
Surely the Zuckers' best work.
Don't call me Shirley.
February 25, 2009 11:01 AM
JPX is whack
Buckaroo Banzai kicks ass
Best Lithgow ever
February 25, 2009 11:04 AM
Principal not bad
Just preventing truancy
Why root against him?
February 25, 2009 11:07 AM
I'll never get it
Why they like Dirty Dancing
Chicks are a strange breed
February 25, 2009 11:09 AM
Want a lightcycle
Turning at 90 degrees
Must really hurt though
That jerk MCP
Wants to control the whole world
Just throw a Frisbee
February 25, 2009 11:09 AM
Must've been our mood
Watched Back to the Beach With Oc
Laughed like Hyenas
February 25, 2009 11:12 AM
A View to a Kill
Bond was like 70 in it
Just embarrassing
February 25, 2009 11:15 AM
Bueller was selfish
Put his own interests first
Charming? Annoying!
February 25, 2009 11:17 AM
Looking for his bike
Began to consume Pee-Wee
It was a cool bike
February 25, 2009 11:19 AM
Bosom swells with pride.
"Nothing to be proud of Russ."
(to self) "Fifty yards . . ."
February 25, 2009 11:23 AM
Mr. Hand taught school.
Brad's hand stroked to Phoebe Cates.
Ok, so did mine.
February 25, 2009 11:31 AM
Those big haired vampires
Hendrickson and Paxton kill
Near Dark was awesome
St. Elmo's Fire was
Brat Pack reaches college age
What were they thinking?
9½ weeks
Kim & Mickey get it on
Again and again
Jodie got gang raped
Up on a pinball machine
All about Big Dan's
We were all so duped
Thought it was a real horror
Just April Fool's Day
Michael J Fox went
Back to the Future and he
made two more sequels
If you should need help
Removing unwanted folks
Just call Beetlejuice
Arnie got hooked up
His car could fix itself but
It liked killing too
February 25, 2009 11:32 AM
Ferris was ok
Jeanie always got the shaft
She should have killed him
February 25, 2009 11:37 AM
St. Elmo's Fire...
Now that song is in my head
A guilty pleasure?
February 25, 2009 11:41 AM
Whoopie was ugly
Oprah fat with attitude
and Shug sang the blues
February 25, 2009 11:43 AM
He was Snake Plissken
Had an eye patch and tattoo
I thought he was hot
February 25, 2009 11:47 AM
Send in Snake Plissken.
He could save the president.
And with one eye closed.
February 25, 2009 11:48 AM
Here's a reprint from last week, as it's doubly relevant:
Ferris Bueller played
Global Thermonuclear War
And we almost died
Moving on:
Mercy for the weak
A grown man trains teenage thugs
A wuss beats them all
A kick to the face
Totally illegal move
Why did Daniel win?
Most unlikely pair
Ever in the universe
Daniel and Ali
February 25, 2009 11:50 AM
I'm not staying here.
We'll do it for Johnny, man!
Leif Garret's a puss.
February 25, 2009 11:50 AM
I know he's the lead,
But Ralph Macchio bugs me.
Sweep the leg Johnny!
February 25, 2009 11:55 AM
Chris, you're cracking me up
February 25, 2009 11:56 AM
I'm so sick of it
That old fake orgasm scene
Cute? Pain in the ass
When Harry met her
He should've run away quickly
Bet he's sad today
Everyone loves it
The ultimate couple's film
Annie Hall rip-off
February 25, 2009 12:03 PM
Chariots of Fire
Left it fast and watched Porky's
I made the right choice
February 25, 2009 12:11 PM
Arm wrestling film
Is there a more boring theme?
Yes there is, running
February 25, 2009 12:12 PM
Never seen a guy
Picked up by his testicles
But Neil asked for it
February 25, 2009 12:20 PM
a word to the wise
never watch caddyshack if
tv-edited
was dice clay's career
gretched because of ford fairlane?
if not, should have been
February 25, 2009 12:27 PM
Edited films suck
Never watch Halloween II
The boob scene is gone
There are exceptions
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Includes extra scenes
February 25, 2009 12:32 PM
Love the Death Wish films
Sure they're all ridiculous
But Bronson kicks ass
February 25, 2009 12:34 PM
Must thank the 80's
For Bruce Campbell's chainsaw arm
Bloody fun for all
Singing, dancing dorks
Fame! Want to live forever?
I just wish they'd die
She is a dancer
No silly, she's a welder
Nope, just a stripper
The Fog rolled in town
Sickle bearing ghouls killed all
Adrienne's tits lived
February 25, 2009 1:07 PM
Segal is the crap
By which I mean he's awesome
It's a proven fact
In his perfect world
Bad guys get what they deserve
A pipe up the ass
February 25, 2009 1:31 PM
Clubber Lang's the name
Whoopin Rocky's ass the game
Gon' crucify him
Where else would you get
Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips
Again: "Thunderlips."
February 25, 2009 1:31 PM
Thanks for the props, Cat :) I see we posted our Escape From New York ku's almost simultaneously! Sweet! And nice call out to Adrienne Barbeau's tits. I tried to work them into an earlier haiku that I trashed.
February 25, 2009 1:36 PM
Here comes Predator
If it bleeds, we can kill it
By "we" I mean "me"
Jesse "The Body"
Used a helicopter gun
Ain't got time to bleed
February 25, 2009 1:36 PM
What was that Del said?
"I haven't been home in years."
What about Marie?
February 25, 2009 1:55 PM
Russians attacking!
Hope the high school football team
Can fight them all off
Once we snuck into
That movie Satisfaction
Waste of no money
And MrsX can't resist:
Got my boom box here
Profess my love, just hit "Play"
Damn, batteries dead
February 25, 2009 1:55 PM
Sunrise on the beach.
A be-robed Gordon Gekko
Lugs colossal phone.
February 25, 2009 1:55 PM
Poor Molly Ringwald
People forgot her birthday
Get over yourself
I never got it
She always played the hot girl
I think she's fugly
February 25, 2009 2:07 PM
It's bothering me...
"I haven't been home in years."
Just what did that mean?
February 25, 2009 2:08 PM
I think I get it.
"I haven't been home in years."
Back to the station!
February 25, 2009 2:09 PM
Before Charles in Charge
Baio and Ames were Zappers.
My first booby flick.
February 25, 2009 2:13 PM
Egon, Stantz, Venkman
Fought Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man
And that bitch Gozer
We can cross the streams
But crossing the streams is bad
The guns? Or peeing?
February 25, 2009 2:14 PM
Jason is alive;
hot nurse is in the hot tub
Second booby scene.
February 25, 2009 2:16 PM
That's Halloween, fool!
Number 2 to be exact
Michael, not Jason
February 25, 2009 2:18 PM
Is there something you
Can share with the rest of us
Amazing Larry?
February 25, 2009 2:20 PM
Indy was the bomb-
But really the best he could
do was Karen Allen?
February 25, 2009 2:22 PM
Know Trading Places?
Dan A. and Eddie, good pair.
Jamie Lee, great pair.
February 25, 2009 2:24 PM
JSP, hilarious. Mainly because it DEMANDS to be read just like he says it.
I say we hang him
Then cut him, then we kill him
Wait, wait - Tequila!
February 25, 2009 2:24 PM
Del stays for turkey
Shares some laughs and spins some yarns
A happy ending?
February 25, 2009 2:33 PM
But what will become
Of this lovable fella?
Where will he go next?
February 25, 2009 2:33 PM
Perhaps Canada?
Leading the invasion force
With Rhea Perlman
February 25, 2009 2:36 PM
Season of the Witch
But where is Michael Myers?
Also, where's the witch?
February 25, 2009 3:34 PM
Dell lost his Marie
What's JSP's obsession?
He made a friend, right.
February 25, 2009 3:38 PM
Arnold got raw deal
Wife threw a shit cake at him
I laughed my ass off
February 25, 2009 3:42 PM
Good morning Pee Wee
Just look at that face Pee Wee
Buxtons are not thieves
February 25, 2009 4:05 PM
It was a train wreck
That Sgt. Peppers movie
Whose idea was that?
February 25, 2009 4:05 PM
I want to like it
But Big Top Pee-Wee stinks
Not a single laugh
February 25, 2009 4:09 PM
Sgt Peppers was
In fact from the 70's
But you're right - it sucked
February 25, 2009 4:10 PM
To Mario's shop!
Stock up on a few supplies.
Headlight glasses, please.
February 25, 2009 4:13 PM
Francis is busy!
Doing what? Taking his bath,
and playing King Kong.
February 25, 2009 4:17 PM
Frank Booth was creepy
Masked and inhaling nitrous
Demented old fart
Welcome to Brazil
It's only a state of mind
Terry Gilliam's
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Steve's brain child or a real flop?
Methinks that it's both
February 25, 2009 4:48 PM
Empire Strikes Back
The best of the Star Wars films
"I am your father!"
February 25, 2009 4:56 PM
I love Flash Gordon!
Made me afraid of tree stumps
Won't stick my hand there
February 25, 2009 4:58 PM
Who you gonna call?
I'm tired of Ghostbusters
Won't watch it again
February 25, 2009 5:00 PM
Pee Wee had cool stuff
one thing that bothered me though
How'd he afford it?
Thought that his bike was
In the Alamo's basement
but he got the shaft
Pee Wee got one line
It's, "Paging Mr.Herman..."
But it's not his voice
February 25, 2009 5:02 PM
Something in us all
John Hughes as Woody Allen
Portraying youth angst
February 25, 2009 5:06 PM
Watches her undress
Ferris your my hero
Boing full on boner
February 25, 2009 5:12 PM
Andrew McCarthy
What the hell happened to him?
Oh yeah, Mannequin
Isn't Mannequin
Just a way to justify
Screwing a large doll?
February 25, 2009 5:18 PM
Check this out true story
Friend saw Grease five times one day
No not shitting five
February 25, 2009 5:18 PM
Aarrrrmy training sir!
It's 80's comedy gold
Boom chugga lugga
February 25, 2009 5:21 PM
Revenge of the Nerds
Made us sympathize with nerds
Wait, I am a nerd
February 25, 2009 5:21 PM
Stripes doesn't hold up
Watched it pretty recently
Annoyed by Ramis
February 25, 2009 5:23 PM
quiz embedded in
next 4 haikus. guess title
before final line.
olivia, cute
as a button, not much of
an actress, can skate.
gene kelly: handsome,
athletic, charming, graceful.
needed cash badly?
the male lead was so
forgettable. could look him
up, but won't bother
ELO theme is
stuck in my head, now yours too:
Xan-a-duuuuu-uuuuuu-uuuuu!
February 25, 2009 5:24 PM
I have to confess
I love that damn "magic" song
But Xanadu stunk
February 25, 2009 5:27 PM
AC, I tried, but I flunked the quiz. Somehow I'm glad.
Why kill Optimus?
Oh, that's right - to sell new toys
Hot Rod really sucked
Soundwave superior
Rumble, Ravage, Lazerbeak
All come from his chest
(I almost went with Transformers as a HHD Topic. Talk about polarization!)
February 25, 2009 5:31 PM
Didn't you love it
When Spock knocked out that bus jerk?
Next time keep sound low!
Star Trek II the best?
That honor would go to VI
Khan was awesome though
February 25, 2009 5:34 PM
Good lord, Handsomestan,
The answer is the last line
I addressed it too!
February 25, 2009 5:35 PM
Important lessons:
Alamo's got no basement
Never drink and bake
Say you are a god
Without lamps there'd be no light
Down here is our time
Life moves pretty fast
Watch out for Gary Busey
This is not a cave
February 25, 2009 5:38 PM
That's basically eight movie quizzes right there.
I am still giggling over the Amazing Larry haiku.
February 25, 2009 5:40 PM
I figured as such
Just never saw Xanadu
Don't think I want to
I will still maintain
IV beats VI only slightly
The bus jerk WAS loud
February 25, 2009 5:41 PM
The problem with IV
Is that it looks dated now
VI could still happen
February 25, 2009 5:47 PM
Debating Star Trek
With JPX is wrong. Quoth
Drago: "You will lose."
(And the following movie is ON right now, so...)
The Wyld Stallyns
Unify the whole cosmos
Could really happen
The guitar solo
In the mall: Best thing the band
Extreme ever did
February 25, 2009 5:56 PM
Nerds will beat the jocks
And bag the blonde cheerleader
Only in movies
Where is Mr. T?
Rocky III to D.C. Cab
Oh, that explains it
Breakin' beats Beat Street
But the Fat Boys in Krush Groove
Beat just everything
February 25, 2009 6:01 PM
Watching Breakin' now
Hilariously awful
Krush Groove is the best!
February 25, 2009 6:09 PM
Put the Fat Boys at
An All-You-Can-Eat buffet:
Cinematic gold
February 25, 2009 6:21 PM
If you still take drugs
Go rent The Dark Crystal now
Muppets on mushrooms
February 25, 2009 6:27 PM
Best scene in Breakin'
Turbo dances with a broom
To a Kraftwerk song
February 25, 2009 6:29 PM
Bacon and Chris Penn
Learn how to dance in a field
There's nothing gay here
Religious Lithgow
Totally outlawed dancing
His "heaven"? BORRR-ing.
February 25, 2009 6:34 PM
Back to Breakin':
Turbo on ceiling
Gotta save that rec center
Does he have The Force?
World a better place
If we could solve our problems
By just dance-fighting
February 25, 2009 6:36 PM
If all life's problems
Could be resolved by dancing
I would always lose
February 25, 2009 6:38 PM
There, there, JPX -
I think you could pop-and-lock
With the best of them
One time I windmilled
At a wrap party. Last time
For vodka/Red Bull.
Come to think of it
There are no really good white
Breakdancers. Odd, that.
February 25, 2009 6:42 PM
Somehow, I totally missed Octo's Eight Quizzes. Brilliant!
In that vein:
Mess with bull - get horns
Flux capacitor...fluxing
Get to da choppah!
February 25, 2009 6:50 PM
Where's DCD? I thought she'd be all over this one. Miko? Whirly? 50?
February 25, 2009 7:13 PM
Wax on Wax on yes
For Karate Kid sequels
There is no defense
February 25, 2009 7:15 PM
Next Karate Kid
Starred Million Dollar Baby
It was really lame
February 25, 2009 7:19 PM
didn't really participate last week, so i'm making up for lost time with this batch
Explorers was fun
Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix
Third kid went nowhere
Cast of Stand By Me
Only fat Vern's still working
Others: dead or lame
If Lorraine Baines were
More of a perv, she could have
Shagged conked out Marty.
Every black actor
Has to play gang banger. Proof?
Don Cheadle: Colors
Goonies didn't lie:
There WAS an octopus scene
Got edited out
(ps - chunk went to my elementary school)
guess the movie...
Rourke: quiet, sexy
Dillon: mugging; lunkheaded
Neither was acting
Trading Places plan
Required ape AND ape costume?
Yeah, that's realistic...
You mean to tell me
Private Pyle and the Thor guy
Played by the same dude?
You find this funny?
"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
Lame sense of humor
My tastes changed a lot
Favorite movie, age 8
was Remo Williams
Left the Fratellis
Living in Chunk's basement now
Improvement? Hardly.
February 25, 2009 7:53 PM
50P your guess the movie is Rumble Fish, right?
February 26, 2009 3:34 AM