I love how Octo always is invisible in the overall daily race, then at five seconds to midnight, comes sprinting out of the pack towards the finish line spouting brilliant Gatorade on all the fans. To offer a metaphor. The words "brilliant" and "hilarious" are overused by me to describe everyone's output, but "Til nobody cared" capped off another brilliant Octo Run.
Confused by the "Jeffs" Is Cross not one of you all? Fuck. Back to metal -
Impenetrable And quite invulnerable Metal makes me god
Roar of a guitar Thunder of drums. Growl of bass. Feel like kick-ass Man.
Now there's the problem with Sweatpants, it's the stall factor.
April 02, 2009 6:32 PM
Have you ever rocked out so friggin' hard that you were unable to concentrate on anything else that's going on in the world such as the news or your future? If so then today could very well be the Haiku Hump Day for YOU.
[Image]
"That's right, I'm on fire. What are you gonna do about it?"
[Image] YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!
[Image] OOOOOOOOOOooooooohhhhh!
[Image]
Yeah, we're just chilling right now but we could go ABSOLUTELY NUTS at any given moment.
[Image]
The Devil made them wear lipstick and dress like this so perhaps you should think twice before jumping to conclusions.
[Image] Rob Halford killed like nine guys before this photo shoot.
[Image] Johnny Sweatpants once got knocked unconscious in a Gwar moshpit. It taught him a valuable lesson about how to deal with life.
[Image] He's currently in the midst of an intense Alice in Chains revival.
[Image] [Image] [Image]
[Image] "I make love to mountain lions, Sleep on red hot branding irons, When I walk the roadway shakes, Bed's a mess of rattlesnakes"
- "I'm So Bad (Baby I Don't Care)" by Motörhead
Soooooo... I'm not sure what else to say. This can include everything from Deep Purple to Slayer to Skid Row (but the cutoff is Poison). I apologize to any women or sensitive men who feel alienated by this topic but I needed to get it out of my system for therapeutic purposes. (And be thankful I didn't opt for my original Horny Vampires topic...) Oh, and I wouldn't feel good about myself if I didn't mention KISS:
[Image]
posted by Johnny Sweatpants at 1:05 AM on Apr 1, 2009
"Haiku Hump Day: Heavy Goddamn Metal Motherfu@kers!!"
55 Comments -
I really need sleep
But I can't stop headbanging
Ace, what should I do?
April 01, 2009 1:20 AM
From the pages of the Cranky Old Man's Book of Haikoo...
Ramifications
Rock & Roll, party, all day?
Without face paint? YUCK!
Think you're bad-ass, KISS?
Rap artists wouldn't think twice
Before shooting you
Saw Pantera once
Didn't understand a word
"RUH! RUH! RUH RUH RUH!"
April 01, 2009 2:38 AM
The makeup came off
Gene wrote a bunch of bad songs
The makeup went on
Here's some KISSTORY
"I was made for lovin' you"
My favorite song
First is hand swelled up
Then cerebral hemorrhage
Mark St. John was cursed
April 01, 2009 4:30 AM
Saw Motley Crue once
A guy borrowed my lighter
His hair caught on fire
"Hair fire" was mad
He tore the shirt off my back
He was pretty pissed
I learned my lesson
Don't laugh when someone's in flames
You'll lose your tee shirt
April 01, 2009 4:36 AM
So who is the best?
Absolute God of hard rock
has to be Lemmy
Ozzy was the shit
Back in the Black Sabbath days
kicked serious ass
Solo stuff was good
Now just a pussy whipped schmuck
guided by Sharon
April 01, 2009 5:03 AM
I'm sad to confess
Never really into KISS
must be a guy thing
And what's with Stryper
belting out heavy metal
and it's all for God
Financial advice
given to stock holders then
buy stock in hairspray
Did head banging cause
any medical issues
from shaking the brain?
The best angry song
Nazareth-Hair of the Dog
You want to kick ass!
April 01, 2009 5:14 AM
Had tickets to see
Guns n Roses, twice in fact
both shows canceled out
Why did they cancel?
Axl had a hissy fit
cause show not sold out
Screw you Axl Rose
Who do you think you are, huh?
just a big asshole
April 01, 2009 5:37 AM
Rock and roll all night
And party every day. Sigh
If only I could
Metal attire
Black tee,spiked wrist band, cool shades
Who was I kidding?
April 01, 2009 6:10 AM
The power ballad
That's when you hit the bathroom
No time for wuss rock
At most metal shows
You're likely to see some boobs
I approve of this
April 01, 2009 6:58 AM
After the GWAR show
My bathtub had a green ring
Now THAT'S rock n roll
White Zombie music:
Just yell "Yeah!", "Motherfucker!"
Like, repeatedly
April 01, 2009 7:48 AM
Um, excuse me sir,
You're covered in puke and blood
Gwar in town again?
April 01, 2009 8:26 AM
Faster Pussycat
Unsung heroes of hair bands
Now they're old and fat
Used to like Poison
Now I want Bret Michaels dead
His TV show - BLEEEECCCHH!!
Every night has dawn?
Every cowboy sings sad songs?
You call those lyrics?
April 01, 2009 9:23 AM
Leather, collars, studs
And also homophobic
- Hypocritical
April 01, 2009 9:31 AM
What's with Bret Michael?
Always wearing bandanas
I suspect he's bald
"Shout at the Devil"
An anthem to get behind
Headbanger's delight
April 01, 2009 9:39 AM
He looks like a girl
But he screams like a banshee
Skid Row's cool with me
Last hair band I saw
Ended up in disaster
100 fans dead
Jacked up Satanist
With Napoleon complex
Hello Glenn Danzig
April 01, 2009 9:43 AM
Making fun of KISS
Means you've never seen them play
Total spectacle
Explosions, lasers
fire, blood, Gene even flies
Money's worth, indeed!
April 01, 2009 9:59 AM
Steven Tyler rocked
Then he stopped doing cocaine
Now he sings wuss songs
April 01, 2009 10:05 AM
Oh Bruce Dickenson
Oh my sock in pocket
Just glad to see me
Victim of Changes
Rob Halford, say its not true
Made myself like you
April 01, 2009 10:13 AM
Never trust a band
Whose big hit is a ballad
Chances are they're frauds
Extreme, White Lion
Are exhibits A & B
Both are big, fat jokes
April 01, 2009 10:49 AM
Hair bands ruled the scene
Then Curt Cobain ruined it
Made hair bands look dumb
Large Robot grabbed Rob
Lifted him into the air
Great Judas Priest show!
Yeah, Cinderella
Really wanted to like them
Sadly they just sucked
April 01, 2009 11:32 AM
KISS Meets the Phantom
What was the bad guy's main goal?
It doesn't matter
KISS releases bomb
Why no love for The Elder?
Go to hell, Blackwell
KISS solo albums
Guilty pleasure song from Pete
"You Matter to Me"
April 01, 2009 12:16 PM
amps at eleven
armadillos in trousers
smell the glove, honey
April 01, 2009 1:35 PM
Metalocalypse
Sales aren't what they used to be
Acoustocalypse
April 01, 2009 1:41 PM
David St. Huggins
Extols grandiose asses.
Bum cakes anyone?
Men in tight leather
Sing to men clad the same way.
Nope, no subtext there.
April 01, 2009 2:01 PM
I’ve seen Ozzy live
Not once, not twice, but three times
His gigs are boring
To fire up the crowd
He does a few jumping jacks
It’s not impressive
Where is the crazy?
He’s supposed to eat bat heads
Not hobble around
Rob Zombie opened
For Ozzy in Worcester once
Blew him off the stage
April 01, 2009 2:08 PM
forty plus rockers
spandex looks really nice
keep the faith boys
April 01, 2009 3:12 PM
Cookie-Monster throat
no syllable coherent
hail nü-Hamburglar
April 01, 2009 3:57 PM
cum on feel the noize
contradicts your hushed namesake
are coffins soundproof?
April 01, 2009 4:11 PM
Demon and Cat Man
Space Ace and the Star Child
Blow Beatles away
Metallica's back
Last 17 years ignored
JSP hates them
Digging in Jay's tapes
Threw the cassingle of "One"
Out upstairs window
April 01, 2009 4:47 PM
Let's talk Dee Snider
The ugliest man alive
with/without make-up
Twister Sister said
"We're not gonna take it!" yeah!
Best teen angst anthem
Dee filed his big teeth
pointy and scary looking
then changed back again
Let's face the facts here
Dee is just plain frightening
in his own strangeland
April 01, 2009 4:48 PM
Poor, poor Jani Lane
Got no respect, then or now
And now he's quite fat
People can be dumb
The most inaccurate phrase?
"Rockin' like Dokken"
April 01, 2009 4:55 PM
I'm still giggling over Chris' men in tight leather haiku
Clad in platform boots
spewing fake blood and some fire
sounds like circus act
Saw Alice in Chains
Some fan jumped up on the stage
Showed us hairy crack
Went to Gwar at Strand
Brought my biker beau with me
He kicked moshers ass
Then Gwar with Tony
Didn't know what to expect
He got drenched with spew
Tony loved mosh pits
I took him to the Misfits
He got bloody nose
April 01, 2009 5:00 PM
In Key West, worked in
Record store. All cruise ship staff
Asked, "Got White Lion?"
April 01, 2009 5:02 PM
Some songs - I can deal.
Others just sound SO yell-y
Not a metal girl.
April 01, 2009 5:04 PM
Marilyn Manson
Churchy picketers afoot
Waving signs, chanting
Claimed he was Satan
warned us not to go in there
we just flipped them off
April 01, 2009 5:04 PM
I think it's funny
No one's mentioned Def Leppard's
one armed drummer guy
April 01, 2009 5:07 PM
In my Dead Head prime
I was dragged to Ratt concert
Bon Jovi opened
Ratt blew up some things
that looked like giant beer cans
and said Ratt n Roll
One of the beer cans
got deflated mid concert
was hilarious
April 01, 2009 5:14 PM
All air guitar skills
Finally coming in handy
Thanks, Guitar Hero!
Behind wheel of car
I BECOME Bruce Dickinson
Run...for...your...liiiiii-iiiiiii-iiiiiife!
Hey! Metallica
Can make "death" three syllables.
Ahem: "DAAAAY-UTH-AHHHH!"
April 01, 2009 5:15 PM
Leppard's not metal
Too many years as pussies
And there's the cripple
"Love Bites," you say, Joe?
Drummer tried to write lyrics:
"Losing One Arm Bites."
Come to think of it
That "Pour Some Sugar On Me:"
REALLY gay lyrics
April 01, 2009 5:20 PM
"Armageddon It"
There's bunny rabbit slippers
IN the video
April 01, 2009 5:23 PM
Debate not needed
Best metal album ever?
Master of Puppets
Should be watching Lost
Instead, old Metallica:
The "Cliff 'Em All" disc
8-minute epics
Speed changes and double-bass
These guys fuckin SHRED
I know, I know: Priest,
Maiden, Sabbath - they're all good
"Creeping Death" = better
April 01, 2009 6:13 PM
Ah, Quiet Riot
"Metal health will drive you mad!"
Cool album cover
Twisted Sister rocked
"Pledge pin, on your uniform!"
Awesome videos
'Memba Autograph?
Sang, "Turn up the radio!"
Never turned it up
April 01, 2009 6:18 PM
There is no debate
Best metal album ever
Screaming for Vengence
April 01, 2009 6:20 PM
"Never turned it up" = absolutely hilarious!
Most Metal "Moment":
Ozzy on tour with the Crue
Snorted line of ants
Bite the head off bat,
Worship Satan; I don't care.
Your concerts still blow
April 01, 2009 7:18 PM
Tommy Lee's drum cage
Rotated and flew around
THAT'S fucking metal!
April 01, 2009 7:44 PM
I've got a riddle
What has nine arms and sucks? Stuck?
Answer: Def Leppard
April 01, 2009 9:10 PM
My metal fingers
Unspoken volumes to world
Fuck all your music
April 01, 2009 9:13 PM
Just saw the "nine arms": genius.
April 01, 2009 9:14 PM
Pumping forearm clenched
You still don't get it, do you?
I feel like a tank
April 01, 2009 9:26 PM
'04 Horrorthon
T'were jokes by the two brothers
At Octo's expense
Headbanger horror
Reviewed with "helpful" asides
Just for yours truly
(Side note for Jeff Cross--
KISS: a heavy metal band)
Golly, thanks a lot
But I gotta say
Trying for metal haiku
I really got squat
April 01, 2009 9:39 PM
JPX made me
See some free metal concerts
Some sucked, some were fun
Saw drunk headband dude
Turn from his girlfriend and puke
And then they made out
Triumph laser show
I recall almost nothing
Except opener
Some band called Mountain
Lead singer was Wolfman Jack
Or so it would seem
For real he said this:
"When a spark goes in your ass
It can feel reeeeal good"
Meanwhile the drummer
Threw a stick on each downbeat
'Til nobody cared
April 01, 2009 9:46 PM
I love how Octo always is invisible in the overall daily race, then at five seconds to midnight, comes sprinting out of the pack towards the finish line spouting brilliant Gatorade on all the fans. To offer a metaphor. The words "brilliant" and "hilarious" are overused by me to describe everyone's output, but "Til nobody cared" capped off another brilliant Octo Run.
Confused by the "Jeffs"
Is Cross not one of you all?
Fuck. Back to metal -
Impenetrable
And quite invulnerable
Metal makes me god
Roar of a guitar
Thunder of drums. Growl of bass.
Feel like kick-ass Man.
April 01, 2009 10:54 PM
Jeff Cross is Octo
What you didn't know that fact?
You silly rabbit
April 02, 2009 7:22 AM
Are we gonna get an answer today or what??
April 02, 2009 4:16 PM
Now there's the problem with Sweatpants, it's the stall factor.
April 02, 2009 6:32 PM