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"An Very Negative Review of M. Night Shyamalan's THE HAPPENING"

16 Comments -

1 – 16 of 16
Blogger Johnny Sweatpants said...

I've hated "Marky" Mark Wahlberg ever since that awful, soul-deadening Feel the Vibrations song hit the radio like a sucky sledgehammer and I've always been secretly disappointed whenever he's in a good movie. Don't remember that shitty song? Well here are some sample lyrics:

"Donnie D's on the back up
Drug free, so put the crack up
No need for speed
I'm the anti D-R-U-G-G-I-E my
Body is healthy
My rhymes make me wealthy
And the Funky Bunch helps me
To bring you a show with no intoxication
Come on feel the vibration

Yeah
Can you feel it baby?
I can too

(fat black gospel singer belts out awful chorus)

It's such a good vibration
It's such a sweet sensation"

May 15, 2008 10:16 AM

Blogger Johnny Sweatpants said...

I've spent the last half hour fuming about how much I hate that song. "Song" isn't really the word I'm looking for - "inexcusable turd masquerading as a song" - is more like it.

See, Mr. Wahlberg may have correctly recognized that the Funky Bunch would provide a launching pad for his future acting career but he should have known that some people noticed how bland, irritating and utterly disgraceful the song ultimately was. Some of us will never forget or forgive.

Had about as much edge as Nancy Reagan.

According to Wikipedia, Good Vibrations reached #1 on the American Music charts in 1991. Shame on those of you who helped it get there. I have a sneaking suspicion that DCD owned a copy...

May 15, 2008 10:49 AM

Blogger Johnny Sweatpants said...

Great. I was searching for images of the bastard and for some reason he was only photographed in his underwear back in his Marky Mark incarnation, presumably to show off his washboard stomach that DCD presumably found so attractive. Now my coworker thinks I'm gay.

May 15, 2008 11:03 AM

Blogger DKC said...

WHOA! Dude, just because I liked Duran Duran you don't have to get all nasty!
For your information I wouldn't know a Funky Bunch song if it bit me on the behind - I find it interesting that you seem to know so much about them though....

May 15, 2008 11:38 AM

Blogger Johnny Sweatpants said...

Alright DCD, your story checks out...

Would anyone else like to publicly condemn or praise Marky Mark and/or the Funky Bunch?

May 15, 2008 11:49 AM

Blogger AC said...

i know nothing of marky mark's music but i can't say i mind those underwear photos. if johnny's coworkers think he's gay, at least they'll also think he has good taste in men.

May 15, 2008 12:12 PM

Blogger miko564 said...

I liked Wahlberg in most of movies I've seen him in. I loved the "The Italian Job", also one of the few American films Jason Statham doesn't have to be embarrassed about.
JSP you have to pick your battles, soon you will have nothing to watch or listen to.

May 15, 2008 12:19 PM

Blogger miko564 said...

Man, I made a lot of typos in that post!

May 15, 2008 12:20 PM

Blogger AC said...

movie-wise i liked him in "boogie nights" and "the departed".

May 15, 2008 12:31 PM

Blogger Octopunk said...

I think Wahlberg is a fine actor but I can't really come up with any reason JSP shouldn't go on hating him. Here's a story:

When those underwear pics first emerged as ad posters in NYC my gay roommate managed to liberate one and wanted to put it up in the apartment. I didn't object on principle but rather because of the picture itself.

I can't find it right now but it featured Marky Mark looking straight at the camera pointing his arms straight up in the air. He was making this neanderthalish "I'm flexing instensely" face and because of the camera angle the viewer was looking right in his eyes. The only spot this could really go on our wall was directly across the hall from my bedroom door, which meant I'd see that face every morning when I got up, his eyes and mine at about the same level.

It was the only apartment decoration I ever vetoed.

May 15, 2008 1:03 PM

Blogger Octopunk said...

Oh yeah... I have to admit it's quite gratifying that Shyamalan's movie sucks. I find I can't wish enough bad things on him after Lady in the Water. Jerk.

(I can't believe he's making the Avatar movies. Ugh.)

May 15, 2008 1:04 PM

Blogger Landshark said...

I like Wahlberg a lot. He seems to have a pretty good nose for scripts that play to his strengths.

It bums me out to see this movie get panned, though. I keep holding out hope that Shyamalan is going to fulfill the promise of his first couple flicks. I bought into some hype from a film studies prof friend who proclaimed him the next Hitchcock after Sixth and Unbreakable. Oops.

Though I didn't hate the Village as much as everyone else. I never bothered to check out Lady in Water though.

May 15, 2008 6:22 PM

Blogger JPX said...

Stay away from Lady, it's a horrible vanity project!

May 16, 2008 10:02 AM

Blogger Octopunk said...

Yes, Lady in the Water is M. Night revealing his own meglomania with insultingly bad art. I recommend avoiding it, unless you want to get angry.

May 16, 2008 1:43 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wondering if eBay makes it possible for you to sell [url=http://www.ticketchoice.com.au]concert tickets[/url] on the web? Do you know if you will discover any restrictions based on what country you are in?

My parents have just referred to as me and asked if i could "get rid" of their two tickets to a concert as they wont be able to make it due to an additional family event.

Apart from asking friends etc, i thought ebay would be an excellent place to sell them.

But whats ebay's policy on offering tickets? Ive heard alot about it around the news but ive forgotten what happened.

and if it matters, the concert is inside of this coming month

Thanks in advance for your advice.

October 05, 2010 12:41 AM

Blogger The Man From Krypton said...

Johnny Sweatpants STFU Mark is a talented actor, and that song was a dance song lyrics weren't exactly his strong point.

But that song was the jam back in the day.

October 13, 2010 11:46 PM

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