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(1993) *

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Ouch. Why was this movie made? How was this movie made? It’s difficult to convey just how unspeakably awful this installment really is. But if there’s one thing I know for sure in this crazy old world it’s that Ghoulies 4 sucks. It really, really, really sucks.

A buxom blonde in black leather runs around humming Chinese stars at security guards. She finds a jewel, draws up a chalk pentagram and conjures up an evil spirit named Faust. As an accidental byproduct, two Ghoulies also pop out of the pentagram. But these aren’t the puppets from the previous films that we’ve grown to know and tolerate. These are jive talking, wise cracking midgets that like to talk to the camera.

Presumably Green Fetus and the gang read the script and wanted no part of it. But they did manage to get Jonathan from the first movie. He plays a cop who refuses to play by the rules. Faust needs human sacrifices to stay alive in the real world and he’s also looking for another jewel. The Ghoulies show up every 15 minutes or so to say something unfunny then go back to doing whatever it is that they do. Jonathan has a Kun Fu fight with a Chinese guy in a bathrobe named Bongo. The Ghoulies say goodbye to the camera and allude to a sequel called Ghoulies 4 Part 2. I don’t think anyone is holding their breath for that one.

I was stunned that Ghoulies 3 was overflowing with gratuitous T & A for a PG-13 rated movie. Conversely, I am baffled as to how Ghoulies 4 earned its R rating. There is precious little blood, no profanity and the only nudity to be found is a brief shot of Jonathan’s rear end. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!