Post a Comment On: Horrorthon

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(2010) **1/2

You all know the plot by now. Child molester Freddy Krueger meets his end at the hands of a lynch mob who burns him alive. Years later Freddy returns in the dreams of his victims, murdering them one by one as revenge for their parents’ participation in his death.

On a recent Friday night I decided to indulge and order a large pepperoni pizza for myself. I settled down with a horror movie and proceeded to devour the sinful treat. By time I finished consuming my prize I realized something, I hadn’t enjoyed it. Sure it looked and smelled like a pepperoni pizza, but it was bland and ultimately lacked the culinary pleasures one expects when consuming a large amount of fat and calories. I felt the same way when I finished the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Like the utterly pointless remake of Psycho a number of years ago, the Elm Street remake only invites comparisons to the original, superior material. Below are my most nit-picky complaints.

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No one behaves in a believable manner. In one scene, for example, when a character falls asleep while in class and awakes screaming bloody murder, the teacher asks, “Are you okay?” when she obviously isn’t. He doesn’t probe any further. In another scene a character witnesses his girlfriend get sliced up while her blood splatters all over him. Rather than call the police he flees the scene and is shortly apprehended while screaming, “I didn’t kill her!” This is one of those movies where characters keep walking up behind one another and place their hands on each other’s shoulders in an effort to get their attention. Unless you’re attempting to scare the shit out of someone, have you ever actually done this? Wouldn’t you first say their name or make it known that you were in the room? It’s the little things like this that just make me hate certain movies.

True the new version sports updated fx, which helps enhance some scenes (e.g., A run through a hallway that becomes molasses his particularly effective) yet the modern fx, at times, diminish the potency of certain classic sequences. For example, there is a scene in the original Elm Street where Freddy is seen pressing against Nancy’s wall above her bed while she sleeps. Robert Englund is obviously pressing against a rubber wall, but it works. In the remake this sequence is all CGI and it ruins any potential creepiness.

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I must acknowledge that the one area where the fx really excel is in the Freddy makeup, which is finally convincing rather than the rubber mask appearance of the original series. Another improvement is Jackie Earle Haley, who builds upon Englund’s performance while minimizing the quips that ultimately killed the original franchise.

They could have called this A Nightmare on Elm Street Part IX; it adds nothing to the franchise except more of (exactly) the same. Still, it’s impossible for me to watch this without bias given my long history with the Elm Street series. I would be interested in knowing how someone who has never seen an Elm Street film would rate this.

I always look forward to Whirlygirl’s visits because among her many talents is her ability to craft a fantastic pizza.