Hagar, I made you your favorite sundae. I don’t want to stay mad at you. I forgive you for telling my mother that she has the face of a 'noble savage'.
Panel 2
(silence)
Panel 3
You put a booger in that sundae, didn’t you, Helga?
Panel 3: “Oh... so it's like that, is it? Christ, I know you’re "Spiderman" and all, but the least you could do is ask me how my interview went before demanding your daily blowjob.”
"Coach Kleats survived the operation and is expected back at school next fall. Can you believe that Mr. Weatherbee chose Archie to take his place in the meantime?"
"Why am I sitting on the ground?"
"I just hope Archie comes up with a solid plan to beat Rival High on Sunday."
Panel 2:
"Hey Arch, wanna buy some pot? It makes you creative."
Archie: "Well... now that you mention it, if I'm gonna coach the girls to victory over the River Rats I could use a few clever ideas."
Panel 3:
"Urban purple marshmallows danced the tango as I awaited the arrival of my space train. The butterflies amused themselves by critiquing the omelette that no one dared to eat."
"I know man, I'm all fucked up and it's all got to do with this stupid book I found in my Uncle Ash's cabin."
Panel 3
"I read some shit that was written in a weird language and ever since then my whole world has been upside down. I got dead things following me around trying to swallow my soul, my hand seems to have a life of it's own and last night my mother tried to eat me! That's not even the worst of it!"
Panel 4
"Veronica & Betty are all pissed off at me for invoking a titless flying half lion bitch who stole all their glory at the girls basketball game. They both refuse to have sex with me so I've got a set of blue balls that put Papa Smurf's to shame! I think I'll go kill myself now."
Veronica: I love Archie, but how did he wind up coach of the girls basketball team?
Girl: Lord knows, but he's going to send us spiraling to defeat.
Betty: Archie can do anything he sets his mind to.
Panel 2
Jughead: Word on the street, school made you coach because they couldn't afford a real one. Prove 'em wrong.
Archie: Piece of cake.
Panel 3
Archie: It says here in this book of witchcraft that if I mix frog legs with Ovaltine and rosemary, I can give uncoordinated girls the agility of a seven foot professional basketball player.
Panel 4
Archie: Or is this the spell that transforms them into human headed Griffins?
"My Lord Hagar, here is your sundae made of freshly pulped enemies' brains."
Panel 2
(Hagar emits rising dissatisfied grunt)
Panel 3
(yelling) "WHERE IS MY GOBLET OF VANQUISHED FOES' BLOOD? GUARDS! ESCORT TODAY'S WENCH TO OUR TRADITIONAL VIKING FUNERAL PYRE BOAT AND PUT HER TO DEATH! I HAVE BEEN FAILED YET AGAIN.""
Madge: "REX! Your exploratory, experimental surgery on that clown with the weird brain powers CANNOT happen! What you're doing goes against every moral, ethical and rational standard of normal doctoral procedures!"
Rex: "You just don't get it, babe. I got some free clothes out of this."
Panel 2:
Madge: "Outrageous. In all the years I've known you, and tolerated your penchant for extremist, fringe surgery, I've never - "
Panel 3
Rex: "Take a good look, sweet-cheeks. This is the picture of a doctor that does not give one single fuck."
Veronica: "I'm a girl, so what I say is automatically irrelevant."
Hot Pants Suzie: "I concur. That's why I'm sitting in PRECISELY this pose. So boys will like me."
Betty: "Ugh, Suzie - what don't you get? Just give them head and help them with their homework. BAM! Welcome to the top of Popularity Mountain!"
Panel 2
Jughead: "So anyway, bro - how's the prep for the girls' basketball final coming? I mean, NO ONE would have expected such a horrible blimp accident, y'know? I'm glad you're coach now, but you gotta be overwhelmed..."
Archie: "No sweat, Jug. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve..."
Panel 3
Archie: "Ok, let's see...Lint...Lycanthropic..here it is! .Lysergic acid diethylamide! Got it! Now to get some...
Panel 4
Archie "OK ARCHIE JUST CALLLLLLLM DOWN. YOU'RE PEAKING ON ACID, AND THAT'S OKAY OKAY OKAY. PEGASUS CHICKS DUNKING BASKETBALLS DON'T REALLY EXIST. OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN THIS WAS A BAD FUCKING IDEA"
Veronica: “I can’t believe Archie is our new ‘Coach’”.
Suzie: “He seemed so nervous when he found out!”
Betty: “Oh he’s so nervous that he even forgot about our date last night.”
Panel 2
Jughead: “Arch, I know you’re nervous about the big game! I’m going to lend you my book of home remedies to treat anxiety”.
Archie: “At this point I’ll try anything, pal, I just can’t shake the jitters”.
Panel 3
Let’s see, it says here to ‘soak 10 raw almonds overnight in water to soften, then peel off the skins. Put almonds in blender with 1 cup warm milk, a pinch of ginger, and a pinch of nutmeg.’
Panel 4
"Stupid Jughead!"
April 29, 2011 6:17 AM
Wow, has it been 7 days already? Actually, no, it’s only been 6 days. Anyway, I am continuing JSP’s marvelous comic strip contest introduced last week. Below are the strips that I have chosen with dialogue removed thanks to JSP and his magical Photoshop skills. Choosing strips that would generate interesting dialogue proved to be more challenging than I initially believed. I hope you have fun with these! I will take submissions up until Friday midnight (est) and will hopefully post the results in a timely manner. By extending the contest I hope to see some pithy posts from everyone. Only one post each for each strip please!
Hagar the Horrible is set in the Middle Ages in a coastal village somewhere in Norway and is a loose interpretation of Viking and medieval Scandinavian life. The strip waxes and wanes between two gags; Hagar is either being shamed by his battleaxe wife, Helga, or he is engaged in some conflict as he pillages the countryside. Twenty-seven years after its debut Hagar the Horrible remains largely unfunny and redundant. [Image]
Dennis the Menace has been around since 1951. Recently while helping my parents clean up their basement I stumbled upon an old scrapbook of my father’s that he made when he was 8 or 9 years old. Within the pages he had pasted a lot of comic strips and among them were a bunch of Dennis the Menaces. I can now report that the strip was no funnier 60 years ago than it is today. Dennis the Menace rankles me in a way other strips don’t. We are supposed to believe that he is “cute”, “precious”, whatever; when the reality is that Dennis is a brat growing up in an environment that provides no consequences for his endless misdeeds. He breaks everything, he’s filthy all the time, and he terrorizes his elderly neighbors by constantly trespassing and causing mayhem. [Image]
I make no secret of the fact that I love reading Archie comics. The comic book debuted in 1941 and the comic strip started in 1946. Believe it or not the strips from the 40s are excellent. Written and drawn by Bob Montana the early strips were clever and a bit darker than the Archie comics of today, which have devolved into predictable gags and punch lines. I won’t go into details about the world of Archie as most have some familiarity with it. If you don’t know a thing about Archie comics just know that Archie constantly swings back and forth in an endless love triangle with the rich, self-absorbed Veronica Lodge and the sweet girl-next-door Betty Cooper. His best friend is sarcastic, beatnik Jughead Jones and the stories are generally set at Riverdale High where the gang is involved in endless academic hijinks.
[Image] [Image]
The Amazing Spider-Man newspaper strip has been around since 1977 and was featured heavily on this blog a few years ago. I’ve been following the strip daily for about 8 years (see also Rex Morgan) and can definitely state that its the same story written over and over again; Peter Parker is trying to spend some down-time with his hot wife Mary Jane and his attempts at leading a normal life are frequently interrupted by an endless array of super-villains. [Image]
Created by a psychiatrist in 1948 Rex Morgan follows the adventures of family doctor “Rex Morgan”. The strip occasionally deals with patient issues/themes but more often than not Rex and his wife June become mired in the problems of their friends and colleagues. I’ve been following the strip for years after being curious about “serious” comic strips. The stories are glacially paced, each lasting a few months, with little payoff but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I get sucked into them. [Image]
"HHD: Caption Challenge!"
28 Comments -
Dennis the Menace
"Joey, this was the best idea yet. Mr. Wilson is never gonna find his teeth."
April 27, 2011 4:33 AM
Spiderman
Panel 1
"Seriously Peter, you need to get over it."
Panel 2
(Peter mumbling incoherently)
Panel 3
"It happens to everyone!Seriously! It's not like the whole world has to know Spiderman has erectile disfunction!"
April 27, 2011 4:40 AM
Dennis the Menace
"Now remember Joey - if anyone asks, you haven't seen Mr. Wilson in days."
April 27, 2011 5:32 AM
Hagar the Horrible
Panel 1
Hagar, I made you your favorite sundae. I don’t want to stay mad at you. I forgive you for telling my mother that she has the face of a 'noble savage'.
Panel 2
(silence)
Panel 3
You put a booger in that sundae, didn’t you, Helga?
April 27, 2011 5:35 AM
SPIDERMAN
Panel 1: “Hey Peter, I've got great news!”
Panel 2: ...
Panel 3: “Oh... so it's like that, is it? Christ, I know you’re "Spiderman" and all, but the least you could do is ask me how my interview went before demanding your daily blowjob.”
April 27, 2011 6:26 AM
ARCHIE
Panel 1:
"Coach Kleats survived the operation and is expected back at school next fall. Can you believe that Mr. Weatherbee chose Archie to take his place in the meantime?"
"Why am I sitting on the ground?"
"I just hope Archie comes up with a solid plan to beat Rival High on Sunday."
Panel 2:
"Hey Arch, wanna buy some pot? It makes you creative."
Archie: "Well... now that you mention it, if I'm gonna coach the girls to victory over the River Rats I could use a few clever ideas."
Panel 3:
"Urban purple marshmallows danced the tango as I awaited the arrival of my space train. The butterflies amused themselves by critiquing the omelette that no one dared to eat."
Panel 4:
"Holy crap, this stuff is strong!"
April 27, 2011 6:27 AM
DENNIS THE MENACE
“Put your shoes back on, Joey. I don’t care to breathe your foot odor.”
April 27, 2011 6:51 AM
Spiderman:
Panel 1
Mary Jane: Wow, honey! I saw you take down Doc Oc on the news! Now I'm ready for our date!
Panel 3
Dang it, he fell asleep again... God, I hope it's him in there this time.
April 27, 2011 7:44 AM
HAGAR THE HORRIBLE
Panel 1:
"I just invented this new Viking dessert. I call it a sundae."
Panel 2:
"What's the matter Hagar? I thought you enjoyed frozen treats."
Panel 3:
"You're the homeliest cartoon wife in all of the funny pages. There, I've said it."
April 27, 2011 8:17 AM
Dennis the Menace
Joey: "Stop staring at me and help me out of this quicksand!"
April 27, 2011 9:45 AM
REX MORGAN MD
Panel 1:
"Dick, you’re not going to my sister's funeral dressed like that, are you?
“Perhaps I am, Miffy. Perhaps I am.”
Panel 2:
“But surely you realize that you look... positively ridiculous.”
Panel 3:
"Ridiculous Miffy... or totally sweet?"
April 27, 2011 10:35 AM
The Amazing Spider-Man
Panel 1
Mary Jane: "Succinylcholate is a neuromuscular blocking drug, Peter. You will remain awake but you will be paralyzed for the next few minutes…"
Panel 2
(moaning from the bedroom)
Panel 3
Mary Jane: "…Just long enough to unmask you on my weekly webcast. A girl’s got to make a living, Tiger."
April 27, 2011 10:42 AM
Rex Morgan
Panel 1
Woman: Dr. Morgan, thank you for seeing me on such short notice.
Morgan: I expect those hemorrhoids to clear up in a jiffy.
Panel 2
Woman: One more thing...is there a clown convention in town?
Panel 3
Morgan: I have to stop shopping at flea markets.
April 27, 2011 11:03 AM
Archie
Panel 1
"What the fuck is going on with Archie?"
"Yeah no kidding, he's been freakin' me out!"
"He keeps getting weirder by the day."
Panel 2
"Dude you really need to get your shit together."
"I know man, I'm all fucked up and it's all got to do with this stupid book I found in my Uncle Ash's cabin."
Panel 3
"I read some shit that was written in a weird language and ever since then my whole world has been upside down. I got dead things following me around trying to swallow my soul, my hand seems to have a life of it's own and last night my mother tried to eat me! That's not even the worst of it!"
Panel 4
"Veronica & Betty are all pissed off at me for invoking a titless flying half lion bitch who stole all their glory at the girls basketball game. They both refuse to have sex with me so I've got a set of blue balls that put Papa Smurf's to shame! I think I'll go kill myself now."
April 27, 2011 4:16 PM
Rex Morgan
Panel 1
"Oh Rex I'm so glad you've finally decided to come out of the closet."
"What are talking about?"
Panel 2
"Oh come on Rex, we both know you and Jim have been carrying on for years. That outfit just brings it all out in the open."
Panel 3
"Damn! Now I have to kill her."
April 27, 2011 6:04 PM
Rex Morgan
Panel 1
Rex: Well, honey, I went to another ComicDudeCon and I didn't wake up in Bridgeport this time...
June: Rex sweetheart, where is your Brooks Brothers suit?
Panel 2
June: Oh my GOD Rex you're wearing Zippy the PINhead's clothes! Are you still drunk? Will you boys EVER behave?
Panel 3
Rex: What can I say, darling, we B-listers know how to party. Good God! I just realized I'm wearing his jock strap, too.
April 27, 2011 8:25 PM
Hagar the Horrible
Panel 1
Helga: As a welcome back from a successful raid, I present your Hero's Sundae!
Panel 2
Silence
Panel 3
Hagar: I raped a whole family this morning.
April 28, 2011 12:17 AM
Rex Morgan, M.D.
Panel 1
Linda: “Well, well, good evening, good doctor”
Rex: “I’m sorry I’m so late to the party, I had a patient crisis.”
Panel 2
Linda: “No worries, Rex, but why in heaven’s name are you dressed like a sad clown?”
Panel 3
Rex: “My wife told me it was a costume party. My wife hates me, doesn’t she?”
April 28, 2011 4:34 AM
Hagar the Horrible
Panel 1
Helga: Ta-da!!!!
Panel 2
(silence)
Panel 3
Hagar: Ice cream for dinner...day 1,825.
April 28, 2011 2:14 PM
Spiderman
Panel 1
MJ: Peter, I'm home.
Panel 2
(silence)
Panel 3
MJ: Stop pouting, those aren't hand prints on my boobs.
April 28, 2011 2:23 PM
Dennis the Menace
Come on, Joey, let's go throw this dirt in Mr. Wilson's bed.
April 28, 2011 2:24 PM
Hagar the Horrible
Panel 1
"Here's your nightly chalice of bacon fat Hagar."
Panel 2
Helga thinking 'What the hell is his problem now?'
Panel 3
"Look at the way it jiggles just like your ass."
April 28, 2011 2:55 PM
Archie
Panel 1
Veronica: I love Archie, but how did he wind up coach of the girls basketball team?
Girl: Lord knows, but he's going to send us spiraling to defeat.
Betty: Archie can do anything he sets his mind to.
Panel 2
Jughead: Word on the street, school made you coach because they couldn't afford a real one. Prove 'em wrong.
Archie: Piece of cake.
Panel 3
Archie: It says here in this book of witchcraft that if I mix frog legs with Ovaltine and rosemary, I can give uncoordinated girls the agility of a seven foot professional basketball player.
Panel 4
Archie: Or is this the spell that transforms them into human headed Griffins?
April 28, 2011 3:07 PM
Hagar the Horrible
Panel 1
"My Lord Hagar, here is your sundae made of freshly pulped enemies' brains."
Panel 2
(Hagar emits rising dissatisfied grunt)
Panel 3
(yelling) "WHERE IS MY GOBLET OF VANQUISHED FOES' BLOOD? GUARDS! ESCORT TODAY'S WENCH TO OUR TRADITIONAL VIKING FUNERAL PYRE BOAT AND PUT HER TO DEATH! I HAVE BEEN FAILED YET AGAIN.""
April 29, 2011 12:11 AM
Dennis the Menace
Dennis: I see your petrified skull...labeled and resting on a shelf somewhere. *
(* = deep Far Side fans only - check Far Side Gallery if you own it)
April 29, 2011 12:16 AM
(I meant Prehistory of the Far Side. Anyway...)
Rex Morgan, M.D.
Panel 1
Madge: "REX! Your exploratory, experimental surgery on that clown with the weird brain powers CANNOT happen! What you're doing goes against every moral, ethical and rational standard of normal doctoral procedures!"
Rex: "You just don't get it, babe. I got some free clothes out of this."
Panel 2:
Madge: "Outrageous. In all the years I've known you, and tolerated your penchant for extremist, fringe surgery, I've never - "
Panel 3
Rex: "Take a good look, sweet-cheeks. This is the picture of a doctor that does not give one single fuck."
April 29, 2011 12:36 AM
Archie
Panel 1
Veronica: "I'm a girl, so what I say is automatically irrelevant."
Hot Pants Suzie: "I concur. That's why I'm sitting in PRECISELY this pose. So boys will like me."
Betty: "Ugh, Suzie - what don't you get? Just give them head and help them with their homework. BAM! Welcome to the top of Popularity Mountain!"
Panel 2
Jughead: "So anyway, bro - how's the prep for the girls' basketball final coming? I mean, NO ONE would have expected such a horrible blimp accident, y'know? I'm glad you're coach now, but you gotta be overwhelmed..."
Archie: "No sweat, Jug. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve..."
Panel 3
Archie: "Ok, let's see...Lint...Lycanthropic..here it is! .Lysergic acid diethylamide! Got it! Now to get some...
Panel 4
Archie "OK ARCHIE JUST CALLLLLLLM DOWN. YOU'RE PEAKING ON ACID, AND THAT'S OKAY OKAY OKAY. PEGASUS CHICKS DUNKING BASKETBALLS DON'T REALLY EXIST. OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN THIS WAS A BAD FUCKING IDEA"
April 29, 2011 1:00 AM
Archie
Panel 1
Veronica: “I can’t believe Archie is our new ‘Coach’”.
Suzie: “He seemed so nervous when he found out!”
Betty: “Oh he’s so nervous that he even forgot about our date last night.”
Panel 2
Jughead: “Arch, I know you’re nervous about the big game! I’m going to lend you my book of home remedies to treat anxiety”.
Archie: “At this point I’ll try anything, pal, I just can’t shake the jitters”.
Panel 3
Let’s see, it says here to ‘soak 10 raw almonds overnight in water to soften, then peel off the skins. Put almonds in blender with 1 cup warm milk, a pinch of ginger, and a pinch of nutmeg.’
Panel 4
"Stupid Jughead!"
April 29, 2011 6:17 AM