Unindicted Co-Conspirator
My blogs
| Industry | Government |
|---|---|
| Occupation | Senior Grave Robbber |
| Location | Springfield |
| Introduction | Traveling on this journey of life can become tiresome when one’s traveling companions have the foresight of a person sticking a fork in a toaster, the collective cognitive powers of a box of empty jars, the imagination and initiative of congealing grease in a cold frying pan, the conversational skills of a rodeo clown with an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels, the decision-making skills of a meth-head on the roof with his skateboard. It gets worse when you live with people who have passive aggression that would scare the crap out of Virginia Woolf, the situational awareness of a striking longshoreman with delirium tremens, and the soul-sucking need of a category 4 tornado in an Oklahoma trailer park. The only difference between me and a madman is that I have no penis. Wanna come along for the ride? |
| Interests | I thought you’d never ask: aggressive overweight middle-aged women, assisted suicide, attending coroners’ inquests, blowing across the top of a beer bottle to make a choo-choo sound, cats that purr like motorcycle engines, chocolate and caramel on anything, coasting my bike down the hill, drunk dialing, existentialism, failed relationships that we both knew were doomed from the start, grave robbing, gourmet mustard, hiding from tornadoes beneath highway overpasses, inspirational clichés, jars of body parts in formaldehyde, lawn darts, leaving Nebraska, mood altering medication, opinionated self-righteous assholes (just kidding), paying attention, ring tones that sound like a ringing telephone, round shiny things, suicide hotline answering machines, taking things out of context, unfocused anger, whole grains. |
| Favorite Movies | I believe the Hollywood cartels make movies to turn my brain into mush, and accordingly, I don't do movies. If I did, I'd like Gothic novels portrayed on the big screen as chick-flicks. |
| Favorite Music | Songs that go: na, na, na, hey hey, hey, goodbye, lots of percussion, Schubert |
| Favorite Books | shiny ones with pretty pictures, books with lots of "conversations" as Alice once said, anything Oprah doesn't recommend |
“Do you have guacamole?” "Yes, I have guacamole."